I didn't get a call about the job today (in my head, I feel like I didn't get the job b/c I didn't get a call, obviously, that's not the only answer/option, but, I'm feeling really down about it all) and Satan used that to really mess with me. I want that job, and it's something that excites me, which I want out of a new job (my current job is stressful- more on that some other day, suffice it say that it gets hard emotionally seeing people struggle, and I don't know how much longer I can do it), but I'm afraid of a lot of things.
I'm afraid that I won't get something new (and more fun!). I'm afraid no one will want to hire me. I'm afraid I'll be living with my mom until I'm 80. I'm afraid no boy will ever pursue me again. I'm afraid I'll never get married. I'm afraid I'll never have kids (ok, those last things are obviously intertwined, but you get my drift). I'm afraid that this is "it" for my life.
I want good things to happen to me. Is that selfish? Yeah, probably, but that's honestly how I feel right now. BUT, I'm having a terribly rough day believing that God has good things in store for me. That He desires good things for me and that this is not "it". I know intellectually that someday I'll look back at this time in my life and wonder why I worried so much, but on this side of that time, worry is where I'm at.
Matthew 7: 9-11 says "Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"
Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I know these are true! Today, I having a hard time believing it. I'm clinging to my Savior, but today has been a hard day. Psalms 4 & 5 show David crying out to God- that is me tonight. Abba, hear my cry!