Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Frost advisory

I've been so busy since the Fair that I've totally forgotten to update! To begin with, the State Fair was a TON of fun. We (my friends and I) ran into Marjorie Johnson. I let her know that she came to my foods class in high school and that I still have and use her cinnamon roll recipe. She was SO sweet (and exactly the same way she is on Leno!) and excited about that! She also invited me to her book signing on this Friday (I'm totally going). I had already wanted her cookbook, and am so excited to get it signed. :)

Before going to the Fair, though, my mom, sister, brother and I went to the cemetery b/c it was the day before my dad's birthday. I was extremely emotional all of last week as a result. It's terribly hard to just be "normal" on days like that. His birthday is always the worst. Even worse than the anniversary of his death. I miss him terribly and wish things were "normal" again, but this "new normal" we have isn't so strange anymore. Plus, what is "normal" anyway?

I've been wrestling with the notion of being "happy" for about a month now. Maybe it was my dad's impending birthday, maybe it's that I HAVEN'T FOUND A JOB YET, maybe it's placing my hope in things (like a new job) in things more than I thought and less on God and His Word (my intention), or maybe it's upcoming anniversary of Payton's death.

A few weeks ago Abby mentioned the idea of "happiness" I never mentioned it to her, but it really did resonate with me. I want the "pretty life" too, and I need to deal (and not in a begrudgingly way) with the fact that I don't have what I want (a new job, a place of my own, a husband, babies, then another new job of staying home with my kids- could I get greedier?) because of God's sovereignty and plan for my life. Maybe someday He will bring those things into my life, but right now they are not His best for me. That's hard sometimes and frustrating, but that's where I need to rest. In His plan and in His grip.

I had another job interview yesterday. They all go SO well, and we (my interviewer and I) hit it off and everyone says they are so impressed with me, my skills, and my resume. Then, I make it to the next round of interviews and things go well again. But, they hire someone else. Fan-flippin-tastic. It's so frustrating. I don't know yet if I "made it" to the next round for this job, but the interview did go well (though I did find my self thinking my interviewer- single and a Christian- was cute! What's wrong with me???). But, then, after the interview, I got so frustrated again because my pessimistic self got all down about how "of course I won't get it".

I was reminded then of Job. He was stripped away of so many things and yet he praised God continually! Yes, he poured his heart out, yes he wondered why, but He knew God was still there. Job 2:10 says "...Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?..." I so often want the good things and not the "bad". I see myself in a new phase of life- and have been for a while- and I just want the rest of my life to start. I want the things that I don't want to be gone (my dad still alive, this "transition" phase to be over) and I want the things I do want to be here already (a new job... yada, yada...insert previous obnoxious, greedy list...) but I need to accept all of it and live my life fully in a way that's Glorifying to God.

I had a review at work this last week, and seriously, it couldn't have gone better. But I still need something new for a variety of reasons, so clearly I am sick because I know they want the best for me and they want to help me find something (it's a nonprofit w/ not a lot of funding and they can't give me something full-time and salaried even though I do 40+ hrs of work crammed very quickly into 20+ hrs to save them money. It's just not an option to make it full-time right now for them, so whatever). Things are going well and I'm where God wants me right now, I'm just very anxious for the next thing to start, but I need to be patient!!!

I don't know if all of this made sense, but that's where I'm at right now. Suffice it to say that it's easy to praise God when things are going well, but I am getting a little drained praising Him when things aren't going well. I'm working on it, but I am a work in progress.

On a more fun note, I've been thrifting a bit more lately and have found some AMAZING deals! My vintage Pyrex collection is growing and it's so fun to find great pieces!

Finally, on a disturbing note, my arch nemesis announced a frost advisory tonight. It's a bit north of the Twin Cities, but still, a frost advisory in September???? What the heck! I think I need to move away from the north!


Katherine@Raising Five said...

Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog yesterday. I just had to come visit you here.

I love your thoughts on being "happy" and the whole notion of the "pretty life." I think I am just now learning to embrace the "new normal," after fighting it for most of my adult life. He gives us the desires of our hearts, yes, but sometimes He has to do a ton of work in us to change those desires first. DO I REALLY BELIEVE His way leads to rest? Sometimes I don't act like it...

Abby said...

I am so glad you posted about this. I really appreciate your allusion to the Job passage. That is helpful in the face of all this "health and wealth" theology that is muddying up the Gospel in a lot of places. It creeps in and I don't even realize it.

I hope you find a job soon!