Ouch.

Another area that God has been working in my life is my thought process towards dating and marriage. I randomly picked up a book at Northwestern Bookstores called Press Play. It's good, and an quick read, but what hooked me was the first chapter.

It's one of those things that's like a page out of my life. As she's recalling her dad's death (I know I talk about this a lot, and I truly don't mean to, but bear with me here for a minute) I was remind of my dad's death. I've had a hard time since then even being open to dating and she hit the reason dead on. It's a simple little promise she made after his death:

"Never again will I let anyone so deep into my heart that they can
hurt me this badly when they leave."

Ouch. That hurt. I've made that promise secretly too. I don't want to let my dad's death hinder the way I relate to people. I don't want his death to stunt me emotionally. It's a hard thing to admit, but I'm asking God to break that thought process and (in a non-"new age-y" way) allow me to be "open" to the things He has in store for me and not be afraid of them.

This secret promise has been on my heart even though I didn't really know it, and it hurts to see it in print, but after a good cry and with God's help I'm being led out of it.

Wait. Does that mean I have to start dating again?